Miss Dawna

Miss Dawna is one of Easton Fabulous teachers this year. She is one of the kindest women I have met in a long time. Today, she lost her life in a car accident on her way to work. And as I picked up Easton from school today, we all cried in the halls. We keep saying things like, God's ways are higher than our ways, and God will be glorified through this... Right now... I don't care! How does a mommy get taken from her babies??? Two beautiful babies who will never again be kissed by their mommy, and who will never again be tucked in at night by their mommy. A husband left to face life as a single dad. Who probably didn't even get to do much more than give his wife a quick kiss goodbye before work this morning. A sweet little 3 year old girl who will grow up with out her mom by her side. And a handsome little man who will probably not have any memories of his mommy. It's not fair!!! It's not fair!!!
I am surprised that I still DAILY think of Jenny Bazillion. I didn't even know her. But I just couldn't believe God would take such an amazing woman from this world in such a shocking, hurtful way. Leaving her family to deal with life without a wife, and without a Mommy. I am reminded by her DAILY to give my kids a little extra love even when I am tired, or angry, or frustrated.
My heart is just aching as I lay my kids down for bed tonight, to think these ladies' kids are going to bed without that kiss from mommy. What would my family, especially my children do with out me??? And how can their families manage with out them? It is NOT FAIR!!!! I can't understand. My heart is broken for these families. If you read this, please just say a prayer for them. For these precious men who have to explain why Mom is not there. And for these babies (and young ladies) who are left behind.
We love you Miss Dawna, and we will miss your smiling face.

The big 3-0

I am so excited to FINALLY post this! I still get a little frustrated with myself that this has taken so long. I mean, I have been working out and eating better (not "right", just better) for over a year and a half! But it is always so nice to meet a goal. THIRTY pounds GONE!!!! I sure would like to lose 5 more before summer. We'll see! I still don't think I will be wearing a bikini. I am a little too jiggly after3 babies. Maybe next year after some body sculpting and a little plastic surgery it might be a different story. LOL But for now. I am happy with myself.

First TEN down

TWENTY down

THIRTY down!!!!!!

On a side note... What the heck happened to my feet??? They used to be so cute. I think they grew 5 sizes through each pregnancy! LOL

cycle

We have the ugliest cycle going on in our house. It makes me sick even to tell about it. I wake up every swearing, "today will be a better day with Makenzie" And nearly every day, it is not. : ( It seems to start the second she gets home. I vow each day to greet her with a smile when she gets home from school. And usually I do. But that is where things seem to always go wrong. When I ask her about her day she usually mumbles something about why her walk home was bad, slams her bag on the table and for one reason or another gripes, yells, or rolls her eyes at Thain. And that is my button that usually does it. I start with a polite, "Makenzie, I'm sorry if you had a bad day. But we shouldn't come home and be mean to our family." Then she does her homework. From there, lately it is CONSTANT whining! My reaction to this is the part of the cycle *I* need to change. I don't handle whining well. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves. Especially coming form my almost 10 year old! "mom, why can't I stay on the wii?" " MOM, I don't want that for dinner" Mom, I don't want to clean my room" All said in the WHINIEST voice you could muster. The first few, I just smile and say. "I'm sorry" but after about 2 hours of it I. AM. DONE! For instance. Tonight, she has been in the shower SCREAMING because the water is too cold in the shower. I told her to turn the cold water down (hello, she has been taking showers on her own since she was 6) Each time she would yell at me that the cold water was off and continue just screaming, "But it's cold, I don't want to take a shower" over and over. I went in, guess what... turned the cold water down. (random example, but that's what is happening as I am typing) And I end up by the end of the evening being so tired of grouchy, whining, bad attitude that instead of spending EXTRA time with her (which is what I KNOW she needs) I just want her in bed and quiet! A couple of nights a week, I try to talk to her about how WE, together can break this cycle. She usually smirks and shrugs. Then I get ticked because she thinks it's all so funny. I know alot of this is regular pre-teen stuff. But I can't handle it. I can't handle disrespect. I can't handle always feeling like a bad mom to her. I can't handle the way the tension of the house changes when she gets home every day. And I know I am the adult. And I am the one that needs to change. But like I say, It is a cycle. And so far I haven't been able to change it. Just so frustrated

getting there

I know I never post any more. But jsut in case any one is wondering how it is going, I thought I would go ahead and do a recap. : ) I am feeling so good! I am absolutely NOT where I thought I would be after a full year of working out. But I am SO MUCH better than I was a year ago! I started out 14 months ago weighing over 158 pounds. Couldn't blame it on the baby any more. I thought I would lose 20 pounds easy as pie, then have a few more to work off. BOY was I WRONG. It took about 3 months to even lose 5 lbs! It was pretty frustrating at the beginning, and there were alot of times that I jsut wanted to give up. But I haven't. I have built a pretty solid routine of going to the gym, and change tiny parts of my eating habits. And now 14 months later I am down to 135lbs. I WAS 133 before the holidays but with all the hustle and bustle my works out took a time out. I actually was pretty happy with only gaining 2 lbs when I didn't work out for over a MONTH! My goal for January is to get back to my regular schedule of going to the gym AT LEAST 4 days a week (hopefully 5, but hard to find time) ANd to get into the 120s. It sounds so easy, all I have to do is lose 6 lbs this month, but I had been at 133 since Sept and didn't go down! LOL. SO I am taking this whole month to really concentrate on me and what *I* need. I am so excited about the next leg of this journey. I mean, hello, I lost 25 lbs last year, If I lose 15 more, I will be a thin 120lbs! And I don't expect to do it quickly. I mean, shoot, If I am 35 years old and 120 pounds I am happy with that. I don't need to stress myself, and make myself think it all has to be done in a month. It is about building habits that I can live with. Not losing the weight quickly and having to FIGHT to keep it off. Don't get me wrong, My HOPE is to lose it by March ( I mean, come on, it is FIVE FREAKIN pounds a month, totally doable) But if I don't I won't beat myself up about it. I will end this with couple of pics. The first of me, about a year ago feeling yucky and fat. and the second a little more recent feeling a little bit better about myself. : )

Giving

I have been strongly convicted recently, that the theme of our family Christmas needs to be "giving." We are incredibly blessed to be a family of six, on a single, stable income. Of course we struggle here and there. But it is never the kind of struggle where we have to ask "should we pay the electric bill, or the insurance this month?" Our struggle is more of us not putting money away for the kids future, and not keeping a 6 month reserve in the savings account. But other than that, we do ok. And our children have SO MUCH! There are some things they do without, but not because we can't afford them, but because we choose not to spend our money on those particular things. I can't even imagine the thought of my children not having enough to eat, or not having warm clothes when it gets cold. We are very blessed. And it is hard for me to imagine that there are families RIGHT HERE that DO worry about those things. And I realize that if it is hard for ME to grasp, my children surely can't understand it. The kids know that we donate alot of stuff to charities, but I don't think they actually know, or understand where that stuff goes, or who gets it. I have thought alot about how to teach my kids about giving this year. I want something a little bit closer to home. Even the angel tree, they just drop the stuff off at the mall, and don't have any idea what happens to it after that. SO this year, I have contacted The kids school and asked if they have any specific families that are in need. Even I was a little surprised when they said they have many! It hurts my heart to think that kids, THEIR FRIENDS, have to go to school hungry, because they can't afford enough food. We will not know the name of the family, and will give anonymously. But I think it is good for the kids to know the things we are giving are going to someone who really needs them, and that they go to their school. Hunger, and poverty are not far away. I tend to think everyone is like us. They struggle a little, but can always make it work. But that is not the case. There are people, in our own backyards, struggling to feed and clothe their children. And kids who don't get to go home and play on the computer, or eat snacks twice a day, or have a safe car to get to school in. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they are entitled to their things. I want them to appreciate them. Also, and more importantly I want my children to have a spirit of giving... of KNOWING how lucky they are and wanting to pass blessings on to others, with a joyful heart. This will not only be a good lesson for the kids, but for me as well. Sometimes I get so caught up in what my kids "need" that I forget they have MORE than they will ever NEED. I am praying for my family this year to not worry so much about what we get, or what we want. But to be able to focus more on what others need.

practical motivation

Here is a quick little bit of practical motivation. Today, I added 8 minutes of the stairmaster to my 45 minute cardio routine. What can 8 minutes do??? Well, in 8 minutes I burn about 100 calories. I know that on my body, burning 800 calories equals about -1lb! SOOOO... by adding only 8 minutes to 4 of my work outs a week (and what's 53 minutes compared to 45??) then every month I will lose and extra 2 lbs! So instead of losing 6 lbs this month I will lose 8! And 8 puts me half way to my remaining goal of 15lbs! 8 minutes guys! : )

Motivation

here is my new motivation...