With only 2

Sometimes (ok, most of the time) I forget how wonderful it is to slow down and enjoy time with my littles. My days are usually spent fluttering around the house, doing dishes, picking up wet bathing suits, griping because someone left a toy in the living room. When we are home I feel like I don't have fun. I am so stressed day to day about keeping up the house, and making meals, and stopping fights. It really doesn't leave me much time to just chill with the kids. So often I go into my room just to hide from the noise, or to eat without the kids taking my food, or to not have a kid tugging on me for 2 minutes. I feel guilty about all of that. But that is life with 4 kids. It's hard, and it's tiring, and it's tedious. Lately I don't even notice the fun stuff. The oppertunities I do have to jump in and have a giggle with the kids, or laugh at one of Ava's knock knock jokes. But they ARE amazing! And tonight I got a little reminder of that. Thain and Ava both fell asleep around 4pm. Usually disaster! When 7pm rolled around I thought I was going to be lucky enough for them to sleep through the whole night, after such a busy day. But no! At 715 they both woke up. OH NO!!!!! I knew that would mean they would be up ALL night! Makenzie spent the night at a friends, and Soon after they woke up, Easton went to bed. Well, let me tell you... That is when the fun started... seriously. I made the two littles dinner. Since it was so late, I just did simple, and easy, sandwiches, banana, wheat thins and a cheese stick. I let them eat in the living room- a big no-no on our house. And we watched SYTYCD. Ava and Thain copied each of the dances as we watched them. (to the best of their ability, LOL) They gave me commentary on the outfits that they were wearing, "Mommy, you need a dress like that sparkly one" and "Why is that girl have holes in her tights?" When we finished "dinner" we all colored. Thain drew a picture of him and Ava together and Ava helped me color a veggie tales picture. Ava was surprised I was such a good "colorer." When we were all done coloring They picked out a movie and we laid in my bed and watched it. It was an old Baby Einstein. Way to young for Thain, but he remembered watching it when he was a baby. He said, "Remember when we used to watch this, just me and you?" He misses one on one time with me, I know.... But we all three laid and watched it. We talked about all the animals, and Thain asked which ones would eat him if they saw him in the wild; and Ava assured Thain she would "save" him if an animal tried to eat him. They are so sweet together! It was all just so relaxed and wonderful. Reminded me that sometimes I do just need to slow down. No matter how much I clean the house, it will still be messy again tomorrow. But my kids need me with them. Paying attention to them, cuddling with them. And I miss doing that. It was a fun evening with those 2. : )

I give up!!! (at least for this month)

Maybe not the whole month. But at least for this week I have officially given up. My goal was 7 lbs this month and as of right now I am down 2. BOOOOO!!! I totally over scheduled the kids this week and it has left me no time for the gym. Everyday we wake up, go to classes at the rec center, come home so Easton can nap, eat dinner and go to VBS. Now, if the child care at the gym was open at 2 instead of 4 I could totally fit in a work out. But when I have to have them dressed, fed and out the door by 530, getting to the gym at 4 doesn't cut it. So while I have not been able to work out, I decided to go completely AWOL. I have been eating crap, drinking coke, and eating late. I am so disappointed in myself. Hopefully next week I will get back on track and at least get 2 more lbs off by the end of the month.

frustrating week.

I think I have had a good week of workouts. I have been everyday since we got back from Vegas except one. I have done 3 kickboxing classes, and stepped it up on my regular cardio. But yet.. I have gained 2 lbs?!! Well, and by gained, it kind of went like this... When we got home from Vegas I had gained 3 (up to 147) then over the next 4 days I lost 3 (back to 144) but now in the last5 days I have gained 2 (up to 146) Now, the good thing is that I am upset at being 146! Remember, just a couple weeks ago I was ecstatic to have reached 148! So that is the plus. And I totally know what it is. The last 3 nights I have eaten after 9pm. I knew I shouldn't but I did. And I am paying for it. Oh, and yesterday I ate Pizza Garden, and that never helps. LOL. So starting again today, no eating late. I feel good going to the gym everyday. I have basically been skipping Sunday because they don't have childcare that day. But I am just frustrated today. I hope that by the end of next week I will be at least back to 144. My goal is still 139 by the 31st!

boobies

Am I willing to keep losing weight, if it means that I will become an A cup?? So here is my plan... To hit my 125 by the end of August, then if I keep it off until Feb I can get fake boobies.... That's a good plan right??!! We'll see....

New Goal

Ok, so here it is... The next goal. I felt really good about losing my anticipated 6 lbs before Vegas. Unfortunately I gained back 3 of them. That's ok though, I knew it would happen. And the Bellagio buffet was well worth it! LOL. But my new goal is 139 by the end of this month. 7 lbs in 31 days... Totally do-able! I can already sense it will be tricky with the fast food. We always run errands around 10am which leaves us out about around lunch time. But I will make a conscious effort to make it home for lunch daily. I will be stocking the fridge with delicious summer fruit like the wonderful 2 containers of watermelon we got yesterday. And turkey and tuna sandwiches instead of peanut butter. I also bought Total raisin bran for those late night snack attacks. I am suffering a little with my work outs. I just need to learn to do some new stuff. I get bored pretty easily, and my arm and leg workouts are getting a bit mundane. But Rick said he would spend a day with me showing me other new things I can do. I am feeling so much better with the elliptical machine and the treadmill... Before I could only do 10 mins on the elliptical. Last night I did 25 mins easily. (except that my left foot goes numb.. poor circulation, I guess) And then I jump on the treadmill for a good 20 mins. About 2/3 of that is running.. I run for 7 mins, walk for 7, then run for the last 6... If I can! But I am feeling good, and the kids are getting better at the gym. But Makenzie and Thain still fight sometimes. EERRGG. But there it is. 139 by June 31st. Got it?! I will post a scale pic as soon as I hit it, and if I can do more than that, then WOOHOO. But If I put too much pressure on myself I will fail. So, Go me! I feel good about this!

Going strong

I am officially 144! So I lost the 6 lbs for Vegas. My goal was 6 pounds from the 150. It feels so good to get over that hump! And it WAS a huge bit of motivation. Now, I am amazed that I am only 5 lbs from being in the 130s. I know that is getting alittle ahead of myself, but I am ok with that. LOL. I have such mixed emotions about this. First the negative... I kind of feel like I am just starting to lose weight.. See, I was 145 AFTER i had Easton. Then gained from there. So really, It is like I have lost nothing since having the baby. It's weird, because all my clothes are now too big, but when I go to buy new clothes, I am having to buy the same size. What??? So apparently I had just been stretching out my clothes as I wore them. So kind of a downer having to still buy a size 12 at Old Navy. But then, I bought a Med dress at New York and Co and it is even a little loose. So who knows... Oh, Oh, Oh... and biggest frustration, I am telling you, I said it before, but it is ALL coming from my boobs!!! I had to go buy a smaller bra, and not smaller inches, just smaller cup. Grrrrrr. That really ticked me off!
But the good is that, I am doing my belt on one smaller hole. And I could even do the next smaller, but then it scrunches my pants too much and looks silly. Also, here is what I keep thinking, I only have a few pounds to get to the 130s... I mean, I did 6 in the last 2 weeks... If I keep that up, I will be in 130s in 2 weeks... THEN once I get to the 130s It is only a few pounds away from 125... And I think that is my goal. I know I wasn't setting goals before. But suddenly it seems tangible! I know that is STILL 19 pounds away, and I haven't even lost that much yet, But I am really feeling like I can do it! And that is such a great feeling!!!
Let me go back to the negative for a minute, and not really negative, just worrisome. Even though I am super excited about the 6 lbs in 2 weeks, and looking back I keeping thinking it was easy... Well, it wasn't I have to make a conscious decision about EVERYTHING I put in my mouth. I can't just stop and get something to eat, I have to go in, ask for the nutritional info, look over it, and think really hard about whether or not it is worth it. I CAN'T eat at night. And it is hard to break that habit. When Rick and I are watching some of our favorite shows, that is our routine.. Grab a bowl of cereal, or a sandwich and watch tv. And like right now, I am really wanting a snack, but I am going to wait until dinner. But it is hard, and it is really hard when I am emotional, and just want to drown my frustrations in some peanuts. So I have to keep my eye on the prize.. Here is what I am thinking, I am going to be hitting this pretty tough all summer. If I lose 2 lbs a week through June and July, I will still have all of August to wear a bathing suit and look pretty good. And I will have lost 16 lbs... Then just a week or 2 into August I can hit that goal of 125! So I have to think, I will be living in 3 months... I can either live at 144lbs, or I can live at 125 lbs. The only difference is an hour and 1/2 a day. I can do that right!!?? RIGHT!!

(Wow.. How cool would that be if I actually got down to 125??!!)

why???

Why does everything with Makenzie have to be a fight???? I am so worn out by it. And because I am not her "biological" mom I feel like I shouldn't ever gripe about her. But it is wearing me out!!! Even fun things. For instance, yesterday Makenzie was Painting her nails. I said I would do it for her, or it is always fun to do with a friend, but kind of hard to do it yourself. "I do it just fine by MY self" she says to me. ok, fine... about five minutes later she is "crying" in the bathroom. I go in there, and she is "crying", and if you try to talk with her when she is, she just YELLS! "I messed up my nails and now they look all ugly" So I bring her the nail polish remover,tell her to take it off and I will help her. I go in to help her, and she had just used a rag with some water to take it off. So now there was nail polish all over the rag, and she was crying that it wouldn't come off. I asked why she didn't use the remover and a tissue like I had shown her. and she yelled again. "It is just easier this way" SO at this point I am out... Don't yell at me when I am trying to help! I told her we would try again tomorrow night. SO tonight I go in to paint them, and as soon as I leave she is taking it off again with the rag. I ask her why and she says. "It just doesn't look good. It always looks better when Mommy does it" ERRRRGGGGG. SO I just smile and say, " It does look good when your mommy does it, It's time to go now." Then she was all mad that I didn't let her redo her nails!!!! (we had to get to the baseball game) SO something that should have been fun and simple mom-daughter turns into ugly yelling yuckiness. And it is like that all the time. I am just tired of it. Sometimes I would like to have fun with her!