Sunday, May 10, 2009

Emotional eating

Now are the times when I really realize how tied my emotions and my eating are. I am not hungry, but all I want to do is sit down with some peanuts! Today was mother's day. And I was a little boohoo for me because Rick is out of town. But I know that is not fair. I still have fantastic babies and am so blessed by them. But here are some of the things that have brought on my desire to just snack today. Every mother's day I get really ticked because Makenzie's mom calls and expects us to let Makenzie spend the whole day with her family. It's like they don't even acknowledge that WE 9 me and my mom) are her family everyday! And it is not fair for them to always expect her for ALL the holidays. They do, because Rick has a hard time telling them no. He feels like it is important for Makenzie to spend time with them too. But it ALWAYS interrupts MY holiday and it makes me mad. Especially mother's day. But today, as always, I let her go over to her nana's and spend the day. It is kind of double sided, because we actually have a little bit more of an enjoyable day here, because Thain and Makenzie aren't fighting all day. (how awful is that to say!? ) So anyway, she spent the day there, and I went and picked her up. So the part of Mother's day I got with her was, grouchy, whiny, and talking back, because we had to come home, eat dinner, shower and go to bed. Where as all day with her mom, is coke drinkin, talkin back, yelling, and gum chewin. so I was emotional about all that, then Easton has not been go down to sleep well. I feel bad, she obviously just wants me to hold her, but I am SO tired by 8pm I just want them all in bed and get a little bit of quiet. And that is SO wrong. What is wrong with holding your baby for an extra 15 minutes at night? So then I feel guilty. Also Thain is being really ugly right now. If he gets told no he hits or kicks the wall, he grinds his teeth, and clenches his fist. I have no idea how to combat this. And it is a struggle every day. Should I be tougher on him, or does he need more closeness and attention? I never know the right answer. SO all these things together tonight just wore me the heck out, and all I wanted to do was grab something to eat. Something mindless, just to shove in my mouth. I can feel it is either cry or eat, and I would rather eat. I am not though, because I like that I have lost 3 lbs this week. I think some of this might have to do with me not working out today because the gym doesn't do child care on Sundays. And I am at the point that my body needs the work out, or I feel like I am failing. I just feel a little yucky. But I am going to push through, and still not eat tonight. I will have my Total in the morning, hit the gym and will feel much better tomorrow!

1 comment:

  1. Good for you for not giving in to the temptation. And, I'm sorry you had such a rough evening. Tomorrow is a new day and next week will be even more weight lost!! BTW, have I told you that you are my HERO!! I cannot imagine trying to wrangle in four kids on my own like you have to at times. It is unbelievable and I totally applaud you for being as strong as you are. I know you don't feel like it at times (we moms are so hard on ourselves), but you are a fantastic mom, Jessica. I'm so glad that you are able to use this as a place to let out some of the excess steam. Sometimes it is good to just get it off your chest. I find when I do that I fell a lot better knowing it is "out there" and there are others who understand! I am so proud of you. Just know that you can make it to tomorrow!!