Monday, January 19, 2009

weight history

I thought it would be fun to give a picture history of my weight... I never had weight issues growing up. I was a skinny minny since I was little. In high school I was very confident, and really like my body, which I know is different than nearly every other teen alive. But I was good. I remember thinking in high school that my goal was to never, my whole life, be over 100 lbs, except for when I was pregnant, then I could go up to 125. WHAT!??!! I know that sounds anorexic, or whatever, but it wasn't I had a very small frame, and was pretty short. And who knew high kicks could burn so many calories!? SO I will start once I got out of High school. This is me in 2001. It was a few years after high school, but I was still healthy. I was probably just over 100lbs here.
After that, it all went down hill pretty quickly. I am not really sure what happened. It may have been that my husband (now ex) and I were really comfortable with each other. Or maybe it was the dreadded emotional eating. I don't know. I do know, that it starts to become REALLY hard to find pics of me at this point. I didn't take any. I also didn't see any of my friends. I withdrew from everyone. I remember being so lonely and jsut really didn't care about myself.Oh no!!! here is the worst picture EVER! And one of the bad things is that I thought I looked really good. I had gone a bought a new dress, and did my hair and makeup. I knew I had to buy a bigger size than ever in the dress, but I convinced myself that it was the dress, not me. Ummm.... It was SO me!!! That was a very short lived phase. I think as soon as I got these pictures back I got a new gym membership. I became OBSESSED. At this point I didn't have kids, so I could focus on whatever I wanted, and at this time it was the gym, twice a day, 3-4 hours a day(total, not each time) And I didn't eat. I lived pretty much on corn chex, pickles and a scoop of peanut butter. I didn't care how I felt, I just didn't want to be THAT person. I got way too small, I think, and way too fast. I lost all the weight in about 5 months. I was probably 94lbs in the next pic. Fine for an active 17 year old, not for a 23 year old. And sadly, I didn't feel any better about myself.

Then I got myself under control. A healthy, and good lookin' 105. This was right around when I got married. I really felt great, and I started having friends again, and letting people into my life. it is unrealistic, but I would love to be THIS again. But with 4 kids, I don't have to time that it takes. And I am ok with that. Next I got pregnant. My dr was a little worried about my starting weight to carry my pregnancy,and suggested I gain a few pounds.LOL A few??? How about 60!!!! I was a whopping 165lbs when I gave birth. WOW!!!! But hey, I was pregnant. Then came one of the hardest times for me. I had a newborn, and was going through a divorce (yes, short marriage)I had not lost all the weight. I was 135 after I had Thain. But since I had gotten so small before I was so unhappy with that. Looking back, man, I looked good. Was I crazy to think I was fat?? I was a regular ol size 6. I would kill for a size 6 now!!! Ok, I will go through the next few quickly, that was all the meat of my challenge. I was great pregnant with Ava. Lots of morning sickness, and stayed small the whole pregnancy. Only 143 the day I gave birth!
still looking pretty good!Fixing to have Easton. Again, I didn't gain much weight, I was around 154 the day before she was born. Gaining 11 lbs an entire pregnancy was not so bad! And of course I thought ok, baby will be 8, fluid 3, just that brought me back down to my pre baby weight this time... And I knew it would be easy to lose a few more, and i would be looking great in NO TIME! Boy was I wrong! This is me now. And yes, I pulled the least attractive photo I could find. (I have gotten pretty good at posing to hide my yuckies, but not here) It is me in all my grody glory. Weighing MORE than the day I had Easton.
Here are a few of my downfalls. Healthy food is much more expensive. I know that is also a great excuse, but let me put it this way. We have a family of 6, one income... I want to make salmon for the family, But it is $13 where as the homebakes are $3. So what do I pick when I am grocery shopping on a budget?? You got it.. We are so busy, it is just too convenient to eat out instead of coming home. And again.. Mcdonalds is alot cheaper that subway. another excuse I use... It is so hard to find time to work out. I am happy that no matter what, I have my Mon and Thursday work outs. But if Rick is flying nights, or has baseball lessons that is all I get for that week. Last one, I don't have time to sit down and EAT with the kids. I am in the kitchen with them, talking and stuff, but it is more of, Mom, can I have some ketchup, Mom, can I have some more juice, Mom, I need another napkin... you get my drift. So I like to eat once they go to bed. Now, that one I have conquered pretty well. I have not been eating late. But the others I still struggle with. Ok. SO that is all I can do for now. The kids are very irritated that I have been on the computer. (and rightfully so!)


  1. Girl..if anyone can relate it is me. Weightloss is such a I have been on for 7 years. It sounds like you really have the motivation to get going and make things happen. That makes me so excited. I want you to know something ...we see you as Jess and not a number on a scale. You have always been a cute, little bubbly, kind person and that is what we notice. I am so glad you started blogging so we can all keep each other accountable.
    keep it up girl!

  2. Awe that was cool to read! Keep up the good work girl!!

  3. Ok honey. I have to say that I am really impressed. We all have those photos we hide... and you just put it all out there. How theraputic and honest! You are my hero.